Hermit Mode: The Value of Introspection

 Introduction

    It's been roughly two months since I have posted to this blog space. Hold up! Before you call me a slacker I can explain - a lot has happened up to this point. As I type this, it is November 25, 2025, just a few days shy of Thanksgiving (fuck Christopher Columbus) and about a week away from my 25th birthday. In October, I made arrangements for a major milestone in my life - getting a bilateral salpingectomy. I worked my ass off for all of October once my surgery date was scheduled for November 13th so, that I could afford the minimum of two weeks off. I also experienced heartbreak, when my relationship of five years ended abruptly, causing me to grieve and cry for 4 days and 3 nights exactly. My work days were hell on my body, there were times where I was working from can't see to can't see consecutively. There were days where I stressed and cried due to worrying about not being able to afford my surgery copay, and when I had to rush and find a ride because my former partner was slated to take me. On top of all that, I still had school work due every week by Sunday for my Bachelor's course. 

    I prayed, cried, conjured, worked, and went dark on social media except to scroll and watch memes. I have been on the precipice of something new...something that required me to withdraw and go within.

Hermit Mode

    According to the Merriam-Webster Dictionary, a hermit is defined as one that retires from society and lives in solitude especially for religious reasons : a recluse. As a tarot reader, I think of the hermit; a card that falls under the major arcana that often is a stand in for introspection, gaining wisdom in solitude, or trusting in one's higher self for insight and knowledge. 

    Luckily for me, my surgery date was scheduled on the first official week of the Mercury Retrograde in Scorpio, with the Mercury Cazimi showing up a couple of days later during my recovery. The shadow of retrograde is what really kicked things off for me due to the breakup. I was so profoundly hurt, and then the hurt turned into revelations that my relationship hadn't been as good as I had thought it to be, then enlightenment. To be completely transparent, the enlightenment came from the fact that I was taking hold of my life and breaking away from traditions and old narratives that I simply didn't want, nor see for my life. Like, motherhood. I never wanted children, even as a child I never found playing with baby dolls as amusing, and I found myself always with the teens and adults. This sterilization procedure came after two years of persistent appointment scheduling and hounding different OBGYNs. My family was also vexed, my partner too because he found himself with a changed mind going from wanting a childfree lifestyle, to now wanting kids, and quite frankly I didn't care about what other people wanted.

    I grew up a people-pleaser due to my hellscape of a childhood, a harmful trait that I carried into the future and up until I began to unravel myself during the start of my spiritual journey. Taking the reigns over my life was bigger than this procedure; it's about exercising agency over my life, rebellion in a life chained to servitude, and loving myself more than anyone, or anything else. As I fell deeper into introspection, I began processing with my closest friends. Processing comes in the form of venting, ranting, and even having deeper conversations where I linked my childhood and traumas back to my fears and anxieties. I also began studying my birth chart, and learned that I was in the midst of my Sade Sati and the first part of my Saturn Return. Sade Sati is a seven-and-a-half-year period in Vedic astrology during which the planet Saturn (Shani) transits through the three zodiac signs surrounding a person's moon sign. The term "Sade Sati" means "seven and a half" in Sanskrit. This astrological period is believed to test a person's character through challenges, but it is also seen as a time for personal growth, spiritual introspection, and ultimate reward for past actions. A "Saturn return" is an astrological event when the planet Saturn returns to the same position it was in at your birth, occurring roughly every 29.5 years. This is considered a major life transition, often marking a "cosmic coming-of-age" that brings challenges, a need for greater responsibility, and potential for significant growth and maturity. 

    With all of this in mind, I began to understand my purpose, my strengths, my weaknesses, blind spots, and more. I understood why my blogposts and my TikTok posts were paused. I was being pulled by the universe to experience these events to learn from them, and to become more strategic when it came to my personal journey, and fulfilling my purpose through teaching and spirituality. My fundamental need to find joy and fulfillment in my existence counted on me dissecting myself, my relationships, my needs, and my desires. Introspection requires self-awareness, and you cannot be self-aware without the ability to be honest and open about the good, the bad, and the ugly. It's uncomfortable and it's hard to be real with yourself and address trauma, and to be frank it also takes time. These few weeks are just a blip in time compared to my broader journey, but this little span of time is what has brought me into a new chapter. I have new goals, a different perspective, and a renewed sense of purpose.

So...here I am. And if you don't take anything else away from me, my videos, my blog posts, I pray that you understand how crucial personal development work is when you are on your spiritual journey - no matter the path.